It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, at least in parts of my home. Christmas decorating is not my favorite thing to do. Any other holiday - bring it! But there is just something about decorating for Christmas that sends me into a full blown anxiety attack. Putting the tree/trees up, fluffing out all the smashed branches, adding the garland, (all while my 10 year old and 8 year old ask me every 5 minutes, "Can we put our ornaments on now?"). Finally, the much anticipated time of ornament hanging has come. Within 10 minutes they are finished, satisfied they have done their part in the decorating and are back downstairs amidst the piles of Legos. I continue on while the TV is blaring a football game being watched by my husband and Dad who barely realize I am even in the room working away. I fuss and fuss over the mantel decor. I am trying a new design this year for the mantel - not a smart idea. By the time the mantel was completed to my satisfaction I was having a full blown anxiety attack. I took half of "my little peach pill" and headed up to my room for some alone time. Many thoughts and questions raced through my mind: "I hate Christmas decorating. Why can't I just put up one tree and be happy? Why do we have to go all out at Christmas? This takes way too much time!" Then the anger comes that I am having an anxiety attack over Christmas decorating. Next the guilt creeps in over having to take medicine to calm myself down. Have you ever experienced any of these feelings trying to make your home "look a lot like Christmas?"
There is still much work to be done around my house. Two more trees to decorate. Yes, two more trees. Shopping is basically finished, thanks to Black Friday and my amazing shopping list. Each day, especially yesterday, I struggle with being majorly overwhelmed by all I have to accomplish before I pick Carlton and Madelyn up from school. I ask God to help me calm down, I carry my handy "To Do List" around, and I take my "little peach pill" when needed. But the guilt often creeps in because I am a Christian and I have to take anxiety medicine. Shouldn't I just be able to pray and it just go away? I constantly have to remind myself to continue to cry out to God in my distress, but realize the medicine is there to help. God doesn't want me to suffer through the racing thoughts, the shortness of breath, the anger, the overwhelming feelings. He only wants what is best for me and you!
So today, this is my best: As Psalm 107:19 says (inserting myself into the verse), "I will cry out to the Lord in my time of trouble (anxiety); He will save me from my distress." My "little peach pill?" It is there if I need it.
