Why do we Fight Him?

Everytime I would think about my blog this weekend I would ask God to show me which song I should post.  There have been so many that have helped me through some rough patches with my depression and anxiety.  About 2 years ago, when I was at quite a low point, I burned a CD of songs which I titled, "When I Need Your Strength."  One of the songs on this CD is "Fight" by Point of Grace.  Yes, I was a huge POG fan back in the day.  Don't like them as much now that they've gone all country sounding though.    This particular  song is about fighting God.  About how we try to do things on our own strength.  How we can be selfish, foolish, prideful, doubtful and fight God every step of the way.  Sound familiar?  It sure does to me!  I fight God a lot, cause I'm one of those sisters that likes to be in control!  Unfortunately, I'm one of God's stubborn daughters that He has to keep reminding  I am not in control, HE is.  If only I had as much patience with the people in my life as God has with me!  It seems the more I fight Him, the more my emotions have control over my actions.  Don't get me wrong, here.  There are times when I am trusting in Him, know He is in control, and the anxiety attacks still comes.  They've been almost daily lately.  But God has provided me with an amazing counselor, an amazing psychiatrist (who actually listens & talks to you), and medicines that help me.  So my suggestions to you today, girlfriend, are the following:

• Daily tackle that inward battle to fight God. 
• If you don't have a good counselor and you are struggling, find one.
• If you think medication would help you, don't be afraid to ask for help that way.  My psychiatrist tells me I wouldn't believe the amount of Moms that have to take medication.  My pride still gets the best of me in this area sometimes, but it really is okay.

Fight

v.1  How clever is my pride, how foolish is my mind

To think I'm in control when I've really lost it all

How brillant is my greed for what it says I need

And then I've come to find I'm empty on the inside

Chorus:  Real, my heart is aching to be real

So I'm coming to You

All of my broken motives, all my selfish dreams

All of my foolishness now I understand where it leads

I wanna be in Your love, I wanna be so much more

I know You're reaching out so what am I fighting Your for

So what am I fighting Your for

v.2  How quick is my doubt to leave my heart without

The presence of Your peace so that I scarce believe

How pardoned is my guilt to crush the life You built

And to keep me far away from any kind of shame

Bridge:  Cause only You can save me

And only You can change me

And only You can love me

Here I come, here I come

So I come to You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHQLHdRafy8

Until next time, hang in there and hold on to Jesus!



Broken Hallelujah

Saturday was a day filled with happiness, fun, and yes, a little running around like crazy.  The day began with Carlton leaving for a basketball competition in Omaha.  My little guy, and I literally mean LITTLE, got his first rebound and had two assist.  Madelyn had her second gymnastics competition of the season where she tied for FIRST place with one of her team mates!  As if that wasn't enough happiness, me, Madelyn and Laura (my 20 year old daughter) headed to Omaha to see Mandisa and Laura Story in concert.  If you couldn't tell by my last post, I love Mandisa!  Her transparency and genuineness fuel my desire to lay down my masks.  The concert was a wonderful time of clapping, singing songs of praise and worship, screaming, and dancing to Mandisa's songs.


My "little" 11 year old



Madelyn & Rylie



At Mandisa, Laura Story Concert

 







So, in honor of my being blessed in song Saturday evening, I'm going to spend the next few blog posts sharing some songs, a lot of them by Mandisa, and some by other artists as well, that have helped me through some pretty tough spots and downward spirals of my depression.

The first one I'd like to share with you is Mandisa's Broken Hallelujah.  This song spoke to me during a time where I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't find the words to pray.  I would try to pray.  But my thoughts were so boggled in my mind and it seemed as if I had so much I needed to pray about, that the words just wouldn't come.  I clung to Romans 8:26 which says, "Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses.  For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered."  I trusted that God knew my heart, my mind, and my needs.  He knew what I wanted and needed to pray about but couldn't find the words to express.  Better yet, the Spirit was praying for me!  This song spoke to me so deeply during that time of prayerlessness.  Because all I had to offer God was a broken hallelujah and that was okay.

Have you ever been in this place, girlfriend?  Are you in this place now?  I know it is a soul wrenching place to be.  Offer God your broken hallelujah this morning and allow the Spirit to pray for you today.  Below is a YouTube link for the song with lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkZTQTe1HZI

Until next time - hang in there and hold on to Jesus!