Broken and REAL? Seriously?

I had no intentions of writing a blog post this morning.  There is WAY too much on my to-do list for today.  However, God spoke to me and I knew I had to share it with you. 

This weekend had it ups and downs, its good and bad, its highs and lows, as I'm sure yours did too.  It's called LIFE, right?  Friday evening, after a more than long enough week, our son, Nathan, called to tell us he had been sent home early from work because he had a headache and chills.  Not good for two reasons:  1) this was only his 2nd week at his new full time job and 2) he has MANY bills to pay and needs the money.  Later that night he called again and was heading into the ER where Paul met him.  MANY hours later, after they reduced his fever, he was sent home with antibiotics.  Saturday came with another day of work missed, but he was feeling better. 

Sunday morning the Kampfe family left the house at 6:30 am to head to Madelyn's first gymnastics meet of the season.  Yes, this was early, but so fun and exciting.  A much needed break.  Plus, we were able to hang out with all the wonderful families of her team mates - good therapy.

Madelyn was nervous and had an off day, but still managed to rock vault with a 9.9 and win 3rd place All Around!  You may be wondering where I'm going with this and what is the point.  Your thinking, "Your blog title says 'Broken and REAL?', now get with it."  Here goes...

Half way to the meet, as Carlton, our almost 11 year old, was bouncing off the walls of the car, and talking non-stop, I realize I forgot to give him his ADHD meds for the day.  So not good!  I could have put my mask of the "perfect mother with perfect children" on, but I chose to be REAL.  I got to the meet and told the other parents about forgetting Carlton's meds this morning and kinda laughed about what my day would be like with him.  Yes, I made a mistake.  Yes, my son is not perfect, and worse yet, he has ADHD!  I choose to be real about Carlton's situation.  It is hard being the parent of a boy with ADHD.  Other parents need to know they are not alone. 

After the meet we find out via text that Nathan returned to the ER and was admitted.  His Crohn's Disease has flared up once again due to the fact that he chooses not to take his medication and stay well.  Here I have spent hours upon hours trying to help him get his medical debt under control.  He is already $30,0000 in debt from a year ago.  His bills from his hospital stay in Oct. 2011 are just now starting to come in and now he is racking up more.  It seems like the cycle will never end.

I dropped the kids off at school today and turned my CD player on planning to listen to the Kari Jobe song "I Find you on my Knees."  But as soon as I turned the power on, volume much louder than expected, the song I needed to hear came blaring out of my car speakers.  Mandisa's "What if we Were Real."  If you're not familiar with Mandisa and you struggle with depression, girlfriend, you better download her two latest albums, "Freedom" and "What if we Were Real."  I mean get your self to the local Christian bookstore TODAY!! 

                                              

The encouragement I have for YOU  because God encouraged ME, is to be REAL!  Sometimes circumstances in our lives stink!  Yes, I suffer from depression and anxiety.  No, I am not super Mom (even though I try to be).  Yes, I have a son with ADHD.  Yes, I have a son who has Chron's Disease, and who was homeless less than a month ago.  What REAL statements do YOU need to make today?  Write them down.  Say them out loud.  Better yet, share them with a fellow believer.  My even bigger challenge to you today?  Share them with me.  That's right.  Post a comment and share your struggles.  I've been REAL with you, now be real with me.  Two promises I make to you if you will share your struggles with me. 

1)  You will feel better and God will bless you for being real.

2)  I will say a prayer for you and your circumstances.

So, take a deep breath, watch this video of Mandisa's song, "What if we were Real", and BE REAL TODAY. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcLYkUb5Keo

Until next time, hang in there and hold on to God!

                   

Broken

Hey friends!  How has your week been?  Hopefully it has been better than mine.  Mine has been a week filled with frustration, anxiety, feelings of being overwhelmed, of hopelessness, of brokenness.  I have spoken the words, "I am tired.  I am weary, God.  Please give me strength" many times this week.  Have you tried praying these words since my last blog post?

I sat down this morning with the intentions of blogging about God hiding us in His wings.  My thoughts were somewhat together about what I wanted to write.  I had a song ready to go to post for you.  But God had other plans for you and me this morning.  I actually had time to sit and do a devotion and spend some time praying.  My prayer began almost the same as this blog post.  Telling God I was broken, overwhelmed, frustrated and then praying for my husband, and my children one by one.  Don't go being all impressed.  This was only about 15, maybe 20 minutes.  I opened my laptop to begin my blog post.  As my Gmail account  popped up I noticed I had a new email from a friend who means more to me than she probably knows.  She is one of the women God placed in my life when we first moved to Lincoln almost 5 years ago.  I don't get to spend a lot of time with her, but she is someone I know I can call or email if I need something.  Her email contained a link to a video by Kari Jobe.  I clicked, listened, and knew it was what God wanted me to post on my blog today.  It was just what I needed to hear.  So thank you, dear friend, for allowing God to work through you today.

The song is called "Find You on My Knees."  I hope that God will speak to you through the song as He did to me.  I've posted two links.  The first link is the song with the lyrics.  The second link is the acoustic video.  I would suggest watching the link with the words first and then watch the video of Kari and her band.  Be prepared to be blessed!

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=K66ZL7NX
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=K66PZPNX

Until next time - hold on to God and hang in there!  Jennifer

He Will Carry Me and You

In my previous blog post I promised my next post would be about two verses God had shown me in the past few weeks and share how they given me comfort and strength during some difficult times.  I am journaling this blog after a difficult day hoping that by trying to encourage you, I will in turn be re-encouraged.

The first verse is from Matthew 11:28: "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." 

How does the above image speak to you?  Notice the lightning against the darkened sky, the waves rolling in, the broken pieces of wood along the shore line and even a few scattered rocks.  Does your life ever feel this?  Storm clouds rolling in amidst your already darkened sky.  Lightning striking all around you.  Waves crashing in on you leaving you feeling as though you are drowning in your circumstances?  Do the broken pieces of wood remind you of how you feel broken at times?  But look again at the picture-see it?  See the faint image of Jesus carrying a woman?  That woman could be me.  That woman could be you.  That woman should be me and you.  But so many times we don't allow God to carry us.  We try and do it all on our own. 

God gave me that verse during the first week that our son, Nathan, was living in the homeless shelter.  I was emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted as I spent hours on the phone trying to find him some help.  Then after hours on the phone it was day after day of appointments and errands.  It amazed me at how hard it was/is to find help for someone who truly needs it.  The verse came to me through our church's Facebook page.  I receive a verse each day via text.  When I read the verse, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and said, "God, I am tired.  I am weary.  Please give me strength."  I'd like to tell you that I am one of these prayer warriors down on my knees with my prayer list.  But we are working on laying down our masks and being real, right?  With that in mind, I'll tell you that most of my prayer life is like my prayer after the text.  God brings something/someone to my mind or heart and I just pray - wherever I am, whatever I am doing.

So, for the next couple of weeks as I continued to help Nathan along with all my other daily duties, I spoke that prayer a lot.  "God, I am tired.  I am weary."  Have you ever felt somewhat of an expectation, that, as a believer, you were supposed to just pray for God to take your burdens away and that was that.  Almost like God is a magician of sorts who magically takes away our "feelings" of being burdened?  I have and sometimes I still do.  But it just doesn't work that way, girls, does it?  Why?  Because we're human and we're not perfect.  Even though us Type A personality folks try our best to make it work that way. And when you add depression and anxiety to the mix, it is even harder to lay your burdens down.   I have found that most of the time giving my burdens to God is a consistent, continual process on my part. Because my problems just don't go away because I pray about them.  God knows my heart and He knows your heart.  He knows our struggles when we want to give things to Him so He can carry us.  But He also knows how hard it is for us not to pick them right back up.  God knows us inside and out.  He created us in our mother's womb.

So as you continue through your week, remember that whatever struggles, problems, battles, or emotions you might be facing, try to continually give them to God.  Be weary before Him on a consistent basis and allow Him to carry you. For a little more encouragement, watch the following video on you tube.

Mark Schultz - He Will Carry Me

I Crashed

Christmas break came to an end in our house Wednesday morning.  I spent most of the day trying to reclaim myself and my house!  Christmas this year was somewhat overshadowed by Paul switching to another surgery practice and the immense amount of work that came with that.  We were also still focused and busy with helping Nathan continue the work out of his current situation (see previous blog for details).  Christmas came and went, with surprisingly no anxiety attacks.  I even had a house load of people, mainly family, which is typically a big anxiety trigger for me.  That's a tough one for even me to get sometimes.  I love my family and want to spend time with them, but when the house is full of guests for multiple days, I feel trapped with nowhere to escape.  Plus, company throws my normal schedule and routine off which is another anxiety trigger for me.  However, this year I enjoyed the company and my house being full.  I was feeling pretty darn good about myself.  All I have handled in the last four weeks and how well I handled it.  It was only through God's help though.  I just got up each morning and said, "Okay God, give me the strength to get through this day."  And I'm not a day to day person either.  But...that was just the calm before the storm.

For those of you reading the blog who take medication for depression, have you ever just stopped taking it for whatever reason?  Not a good idea at all.  I ran out of my medication while we were in the middle of switching insurance policies for Paul's new practice.  I hadn't taken my medication since Sunday.  I'm not talking about "my little peach pill," I'm talking about my main depression medication.  Everything started to come crashing down around me on Wednesday as I still had no meds in my system.  I cried over anything and everything.  By the end of the day, my nerves were shot.  Let's just say Wednesday night was not my finest, most patient time of parenting.  Doesn't it seem like your children behave worse on the days you are struggling?  What is up with that?  I briskly walked into mine and Paul's room at least two times that night during the "shower and get ready for bed" routine saying, "Okay, I'm about to crash, you gotta take over!"  Poor man, he feels so helpless when I am struggling.  I did make it through the night to face the morning.  "Joy comes in the morning," right?  Well, not Thursday morning.  The only word I can use to describe my son's behavior that morning is "punk."  That's right - a complete and utter punk.  So, I dropped the kids off at school came home and went back to bed.

I did get my medicine on Thursday and my emotions have already began to calm.  God has been using the following two scriptures to reach my heart and to teach me.  My next blog post will focus on these verses. 

• Matthew 11:28: "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." 
• Psalm 63:7:  "Because You have been my help, Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.  My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me."

Until next time - hang in there!