I Crashed

Christmas break came to an end in our house Wednesday morning.  I spent most of the day trying to reclaim myself and my house!  Christmas this year was somewhat overshadowed by Paul switching to another surgery practice and the immense amount of work that came with that.  We were also still focused and busy with helping Nathan continue the work out of his current situation (see previous blog for details).  Christmas came and went, with surprisingly no anxiety attacks.  I even had a house load of people, mainly family, which is typically a big anxiety trigger for me.  That's a tough one for even me to get sometimes.  I love my family and want to spend time with them, but when the house is full of guests for multiple days, I feel trapped with nowhere to escape.  Plus, company throws my normal schedule and routine off which is another anxiety trigger for me.  However, this year I enjoyed the company and my house being full.  I was feeling pretty darn good about myself.  All I have handled in the last four weeks and how well I handled it.  It was only through God's help though.  I just got up each morning and said, "Okay God, give me the strength to get through this day."  And I'm not a day to day person either.  But...that was just the calm before the storm.

For those of you reading the blog who take medication for depression, have you ever just stopped taking it for whatever reason?  Not a good idea at all.  I ran out of my medication while we were in the middle of switching insurance policies for Paul's new practice.  I hadn't taken my medication since Sunday.  I'm not talking about "my little peach pill," I'm talking about my main depression medication.  Everything started to come crashing down around me on Wednesday as I still had no meds in my system.  I cried over anything and everything.  By the end of the day, my nerves were shot.  Let's just say Wednesday night was not my finest, most patient time of parenting.  Doesn't it seem like your children behave worse on the days you are struggling?  What is up with that?  I briskly walked into mine and Paul's room at least two times that night during the "shower and get ready for bed" routine saying, "Okay, I'm about to crash, you gotta take over!"  Poor man, he feels so helpless when I am struggling.  I did make it through the night to face the morning.  "Joy comes in the morning," right?  Well, not Thursday morning.  The only word I can use to describe my son's behavior that morning is "punk."  That's right - a complete and utter punk.  So, I dropped the kids off at school came home and went back to bed.

I did get my medicine on Thursday and my emotions have already began to calm.  God has been using the following two scriptures to reach my heart and to teach me.  My next blog post will focus on these verses. 

• Matthew 11:28: "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." 
• Psalm 63:7:  "Because You have been my help, Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.  My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me."

Until next time - hang in there!